Broken Into Beautiful
When I was 20, Jesus rescued my heart and changed me radically. The breaking of me — I came to find — was actually the remaking of me. The breaking down and removal of the old, to build and repair and restore the new. The intended life God desired for me, including reconstructing the internal spaces of my heart and mind.
I want to be transparent here and so I find it’s important you know my life didn’t get better when I decided to follow Jesus. In fact, it became incredibly difficult. My transformation began the night I cried out and He embraced me on that church floor, surrounded by His love and loving strangers.
I no longer related to most of my friends and suddenly they started dropping out of my life. My first marriage was busted wide open for all to see how broken it truly was. I was very alone initially in the sense of community, except for the church I began attending. I had to face the reality that the life I was living, this “structure” I had been living within was not sustainable, void of Light, and empty. I was no longer satisfied with the things that were not capable of filling this chasm within me that seemed to become larger by the day. I needed Jesus desperately.
Suddenly I found myself a divorced single mama, just barely out of my teens with a beautiful 18 month old baby looking to me to keep us going. While also trying to navigate a Bible-belt culture mixed with love and judgment — I was looked down upon as the young mama who divorced her husband. The pain and wrestling along with the love and kindness of that season will be shared another day…
When I accepted Christ, my life began what felt like the final moments before a volcanic eruption. The precursors were evident as I look backward upon those days. Literally everything was breaking around me, and I wasn’t sure how much more my weary heart could take. I recall being so sick that I landed in the ER and lost an unhealthy amount of weight due to the sickness induced by stress and loss. I would sometimes be so overcome with the weight of my grief that I would fall to the floor of my rusty old trailer I was renting and just weep at Jesus’s feet, longing to be held and comforted.
Even in the difficulty, I held onto joy as God held onto me. Though I was a new Christian, I somehow already had an instinctual knowledge of where to go to seek the Lord. I spent so much time in prayer and the Word and began to learn to discern His voice. Because I knew His presence and nearness, I was able to cling to the TRUTH that HE was WITH me in the fire. All those promises I was reading in the Bible were tangibly true.
Even though my world seemed to be crashing, I was still filled with hope, joy, and peace because of the comfort and care of the Holy Spirit. The breaking of me was truly the remaking of me. It was a renovation lovingly in motion. Those volcanic eruptive days called attention to the necessity of the healing and restoration I so desperately needed. 1 Corinthians 3:11-15 describes that what “man” builds will be tested by fire, and the outcome is evidence of it’s true foundation and source. My structures were consumed, but I was grateful to be rescued from the lies that I had been believing that all was well without Jesus.
Much like this old house we live in that my husband and I have brought back to life and loveliness, Jesus stripped out the old and broken parts of me and breathed life and beauty into me beyond my hopes. In Ephesians 2:22 it says “And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His Spirit.” When I research “building” I find it means a dwelling. It will generally involve nails, and eventually require change, carving, shaping, cleansing, beautification, and must contain reinforcements. To last against time and the elements, continual care and attention must be given.
So we bought the old house, and ripped out/deconstructed most every space outside and within. This house transformed from broken into beautiful, and is a place of peace for all whom enter. Dedicated to the Lord, and prayed over and within, with gratefulness for all things new.
“There’s a sense of peace that seeps out of the walls” of some spaces…”I want my house to be a house of peacec. I want people to sense God’s presence when they roll up our driveway.” – Andrew Peterson, Adorning the Dark, pp 17-18.
This house and I, we know the gift of the Builder caring enough to do the hard and holy work of redemption.
-Amy Eaton, Leading From Light
Today, I think my favorite lessons over these 20 years is Jesus is enough, and learning to pray open-handed prayers. Love God like He asks you to. Love Him more than anything and cling to Him always. And as you see His faithfulness, this can be true for you, too:
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25 NLT
Please know that if you are undergoing some difficult deconstruction – His plans for you are good. So much better than you ever could’ve dreamed up on your own. Keep those hands open as you pray. Nothing you cling to could ever be better than what He has planned. (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28, Isaiah 43:18-19 & 40:28-31, Psalm 145:13-19)
“The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.”
Psalm 145:13b
You can trust Him.
Love & peace in Christ,
Amy
