Navigating Change: But What If I Lose Friends?
After ten years in the same church, God led my husband and I away to search for a new church home. Before moving ahead with this decision we spent months in prayer, fasted, and talked it out often with each other. We processed with wise people we respected, all the while seeking the Lord’s guidance.
The scariest part of that obedient yes for me was the impact it would have to my friendship circle. Several years earlier, I had been deeply aware of how lonely I was. I had lots of friends, lots of acquaintances, but no true confidants. No one who knew the deep thoughts, dreams, hopes, sorrows, and wonderings of me. And no one whom I could be such a shoulder for them, nearly all of my connections were surface level and I was drowning in the shallow depths of loneliness. I remember praying that God would bring me a friend or friends who I could go deeper with. Friends who I could lock arms with and be truly vulnerable with. I longed for a connection with depth.
My husband and I are so blessed to enjoy friendship with one another. But he cannot be expected to successfully wear the hat of being a good girlfriend to me. It’s healthy and good to have a safe friend whom you can process life with; in addition to your spouse. God had opened my eyes to this relational need I had. And over time, He blessed me with wonderful friendships and mentors! I was intentional in nurturing these relationships for years, so when my husband and I realized God might be calling us away – my heart shattered. I’m not exaggerating when I share that I placed my face to the floor with hot pouring tears, begging God to change His mind and my husband’s mind (on multiple occasions during our months of seeking clarity). How could good come from this??!! Both God and my husband seemed very clear that we were being guided away, and I did not want to accept it. My heart-cries sometimes sounded like this: God, it took years to build these friendships! When we’re no longer in proximity, they’ll forget me! They’ll stop inviting me, they’ll fill their circle with someone new! I’m sure I shouted or whispered other tear-filled sorrows as I processed the truth that I knew in my heart: God really was calling us away. And truly more than my comfort, I do want God’s will. But it doesn’t mean it’s easy to follow when it feels like there’s so much to lose.
As I embraced the reality ahead of us, Exodus 33:15 was a prayer of my heart, “…if your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” (NIV) Followed closely by verse 16 “How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” (NIV) I asked God to prepare my heart for this change and to hold me through it if it was His will, and He was so faithful to do it. In His kindness He gave me wisdom in how to be intentional in our exit so I could nurture friendships with purpose. He was my courage as I trusted Him with what was to come.
My circle has definitely changed and many of those friendships have dramatically altered, casualties to proximity that no longer existed. But God was faithful to hold me every single step of the way. Though I continue to experience changes to my circle, I’m so grateful that we were obedient and said yes to what God was calling us to. That “yes” has led me to countless things that never would’ve transpired if I had stayed in the comfort of familiar. Our “yes” has allowed me to meet people who God has used powerfully in my spiritual development; people I never would’ve crossed paths with. My husband and I are being nourished spiritually in ways our hungry souls didn’t realize they were yearning for. God has increased our spiritual intimacy between the two of us in magnificent ways. We’ve seen close friends’ families flourishing who visited our new church; a church that’s now theirs, too. Within this new community, I found the wisdom and courage to walk an individual therapy journey where I learned places my heart needed mended. I’ve gone deep with new women who God wanted my soul to connect with who I never would’ve met if I had played it safe. I’ve experienced many sorrows with this journey; but none of them are worth more than the peace of knowing I’m exactly where God wants me to be.
An encouraging word…
Beloveds, at some point in your journey God will call you to something new and you may fear the impacts it will bring to your friendship circle, too. You may find yourself in such a season right now where God is about to move you or your family in a big way. Perhaps a new city? Perhaps a new job or a new church? Whatever your next season looks like, I am praying that you will embrace your good God’s good plans for you and your life. His goodness is not contingent upon your comfort. But rest assured, loved one, whatever He has planned for you is greater than anything you could hope for or plan for yourself. And the Comforter himself will hold you through it all; He is faithful. And He is faithful to you.
